Yet another thing everyone reblogs without researching. A quick google search will show you Haley’s no longer missing. Gah tumblr!
(Source: voicing, via kanyeshrugtae)
I had to get up at an ungodly hour this morning because someone at my job thinks it’s a good idea to schedule training for 8 o clock in the goddamn gosh darn morning.
Outfit: I’m channeling our stylish first lady Mrs. Michelle Obama, except she would have worn pointy shoes with this dress. Do you notice that when those royal and presidential types meet, they always have their hands crossed in front of them. What’s that all about?
Did you know that when a woman is born, her vagina comes equipped with a purity meter? This meter degrades slightly with each penis that passes by it… When that meter is depleted, this person is no longer a person and is considered a “slut.” Once a woman becomes a slut, her vagina is considered defamed and a generally nasty place to be.
It’s a matter of some debate as to how many penises will defame a vagina, with estimated averages spanning from 5 to over 100 with many statistics supporting a target number of about 16. Intriguing considering the average number of female partners that a male will have had by the age of 30 is 15.
The power of the penis to defame a vagina and remain unaffected itself is not fully understood by modern science. It is generally regarded as yet another wonderful mystical power of the magical phallus, related in this case, with it’s power to partially (but not fully) purify a vagina upon a consummated vow of monogamy. (<—-this made me spit out my coffee)
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Ok… I’m done… lol
Seriously guy…
If by slut you mean an intelligent woman who respects herself enough not to abstain from sex for something as needless as antiquated social conventions that oppress perfectly normal desires…
Then yes… Yes I do want to date “slutty” girls.
If by slut you mean a woman who will be less likely to cheat on me because she already knows that penis is just penis, then yes… I do want to date slutty girls.
If by slut you mean a woman with whom I can trade stories of all the ridiculousness that is the human mating ritual then yes… I do want to date slutty girls.If by slut you mean a woman with whom I can fondly recall your post and erupt in mutual laughter before a night of well practiced and passionate sex the likes of which you will likely never experience… Then yes… You guessed it.
There’s no difference between 100 different cocks and your cock 100 times. Except that you’ll never see those kind of numbers if you keep shaming.
Thank you!
My vagina is not a hole through which respect passes, nor do I need you to validate my sexual behavior. Why is that so hard for some boys to understand?#GoFuckYourself ♡ — coketalk.tumblr.com
I’m having problems with a program at work so I took a screen shot of the error page, sent it to the help desk, my supervisor and the help desk person’s supervisor because I’m FRUSTRATED!! Very FRUSTRATED with this same issue this person has been working on since last week.
Except.
I forgot to close all my *ahem* “extra activities” tabs, like tumblr, facebook, perez hilton, afroromance, okcupid, TMZ, - all captured on my screen shot with the error message.
That I sent to supervisors.
I’m sure I just made help desk person’s day. And if y’all see a blog post from a help desk person about an idiot and karma, it’s me he’s talking about.
outfit: I felt great this morning in this outfit, it was supposed to be a good day…….no worries, just a bad hour, I still have potentially more good hours to go.
You’re alone in the elevator. You have your headphones on. Your SONG comes on…
Then the elevator doors open to let other people on.
People watching on the interweb.
Grandma in the plaid shirt, and the guy in black with the long ponytail.
So how was your weekend? Ok, lemme stop, I’m only asking how your weekend was because I want so bad to tell you about my weekend and it is impolite to unload your weekend on people without asking about theirs first. And since no one, from when I woke up this morning to the time I hit post has asked me about my weekend, you all get to be first!
Sunday, my friends and I went to a singles dance seniors’ dance and here is what I wore, below.
They told me it was a singles event, one of my friends even told us she’s met a few nice guys at the dance before. I was optimistic! Then we walked in and I saw what I saw. Later, we were doing the dance in a circle where the music stops and you have to dance with whoever is in front of you. I happened to mention to my third partner that I had never done the circle dance and didn’t realize we were going to be dancing to slow songs, his response? “well most of us can’t really dance to fast songs”
The bright side? Drinks were cheap and we did the booty shuffle. Yes, you read that right, we did the booty shuffle dance at the 55 and older singles dance.
And here is what I’m wearing today. Same black pants I wear every Monday and my over-sized blouse I bought for less than $5. Belts, belts are from the gods.
First off, I apologize for this ghastly picture. I had to threaten to remove him from my will if he didn’t take a picture. This “get that darn camera out my face” look was his meeting me half way.
Eeeeeeeexcuse me for wanting to celebrate my child’s milestone with strangers on the interweb.
He passed! Omg, my baby is driving (with me in the car)! I think I’m more excited than he is! Oh wait, insurance. Bye bye $800 yearly premium. It’s been real.
So, does anyone know where I can get a “rookie driver” magnet? No really, my facebook friends are ignoring me but I KNOW tumblr won’t. See why I celebrate stuff with y’all?
When kids don’t understand our tumblr obligations, I mean what is their problem?
For instance, my son was seething eyeballing me in the corner going “like now, you’re taking a picture now?!?”
His impatience to go re-take the driver’s permit test this morning is annoying, right? Right?
Wish him luck!
The other day, when my son walked calmly out the testing room and told me he failed his learner’s test, I thought he was pulling another “gotcha” joke on me. His emotions were so closed that I almost wished the girl who came out the room before him and busted into hysterical crying was my daughter. Her grandfather (or father) just stood there not knowing what to do. Poor guy.
I opened my obnoxious parenting big mouth and said to my son, “The length of your disappointment is only valid depending on whether or not, through change or substitution, you can alter the source of the disappointment.”
Yeah- that’s really what a 15yo wants to hear. At. that. moment.
So I took him out for lunch and told him to study more so he can the test again this Saturday.
Wish him luck! And me luck from diarrhea of the mouth if he fails again.
outfit: If I knew how to use the Photoshop on my computer, I’d edit my cats out of my pics, I may be smiling here but it is a “will you getchur butt up outta my picture!” smile. And I keep forgetting to remove the time stamp from my camera.
Outfit is doubling up for BYOB girls game night after work, where there is bound to be tons of drinking and fun!
I promised myself that this year, 2012, I’m going to save, save and save but already, I’m doing it wrong.
See I went to my favorite “vintage store” the other day just to window shop, a terrible idea, and ended up leaving with this dress for a grand total of $0.75. A bargain! Yeah, except that I left with some other dresses that I had to have that cost more than $0.75 a piece.
But I aint goin’ lie, the dresses are awesome!! and I’m going to try to do much better with my savings from HERE on out.
It’s too cold to wear such a dress? Don’t worry, outdoors, I’m wearing my “I have a servant, driver, nanny and a butler” coat to warm me up. So much that I don’t even have to button it.
And indoors, when I’m not in my cubicle which has a fantastic space heater in it, my trusty sweater takes care of me.
Would you…
open a checking account for your 15 year old?
Fix his kindle that was a christmas present from his church? (Scenario: Your child doesn’t read. Whoever thought getting him a kindle is an idiot. You are the one who has to produce your card number to BUY Ebooks he won’t read. And lastly, it is Jan 11, the kindle is broken already.)
Make a bigger deal about the mold in your apartment?
Cut up your zero balance credit cards. (you have only two.)
Cut up your zero balance Kohl’s card.
Oh! an open ended question. you’re working out to lose 15 pounds, how do you lose weight but still keep your banging ass and boobies? assets that came with the 15 pound weight gain?
This is all “hypothetical” for “research” purposes for a “social science class”.
Outfit: Off today for medical Appointments- being casual.
Can you help me decide who wore this dress better?
Me, June 28, 2011?
Or me, today?
Fact: My friend wore this same dress to a 70s themed Halloween party. I saw it on her facebook page the other day and it reminded me to wear mine. To work. Again. Today. The year 2012.
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